


She's Got Lions In Her Heart

by kaleidomusings



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Amnesia, F/M, Family, Friendship, Rule 63, gender bending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-21
Updated: 2014-11-21
Packaged: 2018-02-26 11:54:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2651117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaleidomusings/pseuds/kaleidomusings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Steve Rogers woke up from the ice, they told her they won the war. They didn't tell her what they lost.</p>
            </blockquote>





	She's Got Lions In Her Heart

**Author's Note:**

> This is for those of you who encouraged me through this very difficult time and told me to never give up. I love all of you so much and I hope you enjoy!

When Steve Rogers woke up from the ice, they told her they won the war. They didn't tell her what they lost. 

But Steve hated to lose anything. And, even after the helicarrier crash and being fished out of the Potomac, she was determined to get out of the hospital as soon as she could to find Bucky. He was out there somewhere, alone, and possibly in danger. She couldn't rest easy knowing that he was so vulnerable without anyone to watch his back. 

"And someone needs to watch yours," Sam said when Steve told him as much. 

"You don't have to come with me," Steve said, staring down at the file of the Winter Soldier Natasha had handed to her. It made her sick to see the photo of Bucky, looking smart and handsome in his uniform, because it meant they knew who he was and did all that to him anyway. Bastards, the lot of them. 

Sam sighed, but when she glanced at him, his smile was exasperatedly fond. "I know."

So for the next few months, she and Sam traveled across Europe and East Asia, following every lead they could find on Hydra and the Winter Soldier. But many of the bases they came across were already leveled and torn asunder, as if a storm had passed over it. A winter storm. 

"Seems like he's been looking for answers too," Sam commented, gingerly stepping over a body in their latest dead end. 

Steve lowered her shield, resisting the urge to slam it into the wall out of sheer frustration. It was pretty clear that everyone in the facility was dead. But so many people had known who Bucky really was and not a single one tried to help him. It made her furious, thinking about how Bucky had spent the last seventy years brainwashed and tortured into doing Hydra's bidding. And Steve hated herself for not being there for him when he needed her, still too slow to do anything to help even with a super enhanced body. "Let's move on," she said. 

Unfortunately, the trail eventually went cold without any sign of Hydra or Bucky. Tired and heartbroken, Steve agreed with Sam to go back to the US, to regroup and think about what she could do before searching for him again. 

"Maybe what he needs is to come find you," Sam said. 

And Steve knew he was probably right, but she didn't want to admit it. If Bucky didn't want her to find him, she wouldn't be able to. All she could really do was wait until he was ready to be found. But Steve had never been very patient and spent months pacing Sam's house like a trapped animal, or running until she was exhausted. She even drew when the inspiration struck, but mostly she stared out of her bedroom window, twisting the simple gold band on her left hand. 

The ring was one of the first things people noticed about her. Sam had, after she ran past him several times the morning they met. Natasha had, because she never missed anything and was the main reason she was so adamant about setting Steve up on dates. And Rumlow had, and would offer to keep her company after a mission. Steve was never tempted, although it wasn't because Rumlow was unattractive or that she had known he was really a part of Hydra. She declined for the same reason she turned down Natasha's attempts at matchmaking: the only person Steve ever wanted was Bucky. And Bucky was dead. 

Maybe if things had been different, Steve could see him falling in love with Sam. He was strong and dependable, patient and kind. And he willingly threw away everything to help her and Natasha when they were on the run, even when he didn't have to. It was hard not to love Sam. At least not like that.

They spoke about it once, holed up as they were at a hotel in Inchon after weeks and still no sign of Bucky. "I'm sorry," she told him, as they lay facing each other on one of the twin beds that were way too small for either of them to fit on, much less both. "I'm sorry, Sam."

His hands were warm as they clasped hers and his eyes were very gentle. "Don't apologize," he said. "I already knew what I was getting myself into when I agreed to help. I'm a big boy. I can take it."

Steve blinked back tears, because Sam deserved so much more than she could ever hope to offer him. "Still. I want you to be happy."

Sam smiled and thankfully didn't say that he was happy, that being her friend and being with her made him happy. Because even if it was true, it wasn't what Steve meant at all and he knew that. "Maybe some day," he said instead, "I'll find what you and Barnes have."

Overcome with emotion and gratitude, Steve wriggled closer and kissed his cheek. "I'm sure you will."

\--

Steve Rogers was born Stella Grace Rogers to Joseph and Sarah Rogers. 

Her father passed away when she was too young to remember him, but she never forgot the way her mother took over with raising young Stella on her own. She worked long hours at the hospital and collected laundry from their neighbors to earn a few extra pennies on the side. Stella tried to help as much as she could, but there was only so much she could help with, thin and sickly as she was, so her mother would instead send her outside to play. 

But Stella soon learned that she wasn't like the other children and didn't know how to be friends with them. The girls didn't like that she tore her dresses from running too fast or climbed trees to save stranded kittens. Instead they called her strange and refused to let her play with them.The boys didn't like that she yelled at them for bullying the other kids and fought them when they went too far. And if they hit her, she hit back just as hard, and wasn't afraid to bite their arms or kick the soft places between their legs. 

Just as Stella started to wonder if she would be alone forever, she met James Buchanan Barnes after he practically flew across the schoolyard to punch a boy that shoved her down. 

"I didn't need your help," she said, rubbing her sleeve over her face and finding it come away bloody. The other boy hadn't pushed her all that hard, but she landed badly trying to catch herself and gave herself a bloody nose in the process.

Bucky had blinked, taken aback with her ungrateful dismissal. But he didn't get angry. Rather, he had her pinch her bloody nose and tip her head back before leading her away to find the teacher. "Everyone needs help sometimes," he told her. 

She sniffled and tasted blood. She should probably be worried about a broken nose, but Bucky's hand on her arm had been comforting and kept her from panicking. "I'm Stella."

He smiled in response. "You can call me Bucky."

Stella realized that Bucky wasn't like the other boys and girls. He didn't seem to mind that Stella always had scrapped knees and ripped skirts. And when she got into fights, Bucky was always there to chase the other boys off, because he was big and strong and fought just as dirty as Stella did. 

Their families got along pretty well too. Sarah Rogers adored him like the son she never had and got along really well with his mother. Mrs. Barnes was a really lovely lady and always made sure Stella had seconds when Bucky invited her over for dinner on the nights her mother worked late. His father was quieter than Mrs. Barnes and always smelled of smoke, so Stella never got too close in case in set off her asthma. But he always had a kind smile on his face and told her to keep Bucky out of trouble. Even though everyone knew that little Stella Rogers was responsible for all the fights Bucky Barnes got himself into. 

When Stella got scarlet fever, it nearly killed her. She spent many weeks in bed, shivering violently and vomiting everything up. Bucky had been forbidden to visit her in case he caught it too, but whenever she woke up from fever dreams, she would find little things on her window sill that made her smile; wilted flowers, smooth stones, and even a little pink seashell Bucky found when his parents took him to Coney Island and refused to give it up no matter how much she begged. 

Eventually Stella got better, but she couldn't go outside as much and that made her irritable. "I feel like I'm suffocating," she would complain. "Can't we open a window?"

"Not unless you want your asthma to start up again," Bucky would reply and tried to hide his amusement when she frowned at him. But he finally took pity on her and brought a book for her to read and pencils to draw with. Sometimes he would even tell her ridiculous stories that she knew couldn't be real, but had her wheezing with laughter all the same. 

"You're adorable," he teased once, flicking a strand of hair over her shoulder. 

She punched him as hard as she could in the shoulder, but it barely made him flinch. "Shut up, you," she said. 

He laughed then, young and carefree and so beautiful. Stella felt something twist up in her chest that had nothing to do with her weak lungs, although at the time she didn't understand what it meant.

\--

Natasha stopped by every once in a while under the pretense of checking up on her, but Steve had a feeling she really wanted to spend more time with Sam. Steve watched them and the easy way they interacted with each other, and thought how nice they would be together. When she brought it up, she wasn't sure what to think about the way Natasha glanced at Sam or the way he looked suddenly nervous and uneasy. 

"Oh," she said, when it finally clicked.

"It's more complicated than you think," Sam mumbled. He covered his face with his hands and leaned back into the couch, like if he tried hard enough he could just blend in and disappear. 

"Doesn't seem all that complicated," Steve said with a shrug. "Either you want to just stay friends or you don't."

He groaned, but he also rolled over until his head was resting on Natasha's shoulder. "This is awful. Make her stop."

Steve continued as if she hadn't heard him. "It's like when Natasha and I kissed. We decided to just stay friends and we're both fine with that."

Sam stilled before cautiously peeking through his fingers, as if he wasn't quite sure whether to believe her or not. 

"Weren't you and Peggy Carter in a relationship?" Natasha asked. 

"We kissed once, but that was it," Steve said. Peggy had believed in her when even Colonel Phillips didn't and pushed her to be the very best she could be. It was hard not to fall in love with her. But it never would have worked out.

Natasha's eyes were very knowing. "Because of Bucky?"

Steve sighed and played with the ring on her left hand. Growing up, she never wanted to get married. She wanted to go to school, get a good job, and take care of her mother. But Sarah died, and even when she heard what people said after she moved in with Bucky, marriage was something she never desired. As long as she had Bucky as her best friend, that was good enough for her, it didn't matter what their neighbors thought about it. That was why when Bucky proposed to her, she was so angry with him. It was the night before he was shipping out and he told her that he didn't want to die without telling her how he really felt. She yelled at him then, calling him a coward for giving up so easily and forcing a decision like that on her. 

She could still remember the stricken look on his face when she threw his proposal right back in his face. The pain of his exposing his hear to her, only to have her stomp all over it.

"Sometimes it's only as complicated as you make it," Steve admitted softly. 

\--

When the country went to war, Steve marched into every enlistment office in the area, wanting more than anything to become a soldier like her father had been. But she was always turned away. If it wasn't her long list of health problems, it was because they found out that she wasn't a man at all. 

Bucky tried to talk her out of it, insisting she join the war effort instead or enlist as a nurse, but she wouldn't have been satisfied with collecting scrap metal and sewing up bullet holes. She wanted to go overseas and fight with Bucky, gladly laying down her life to save other people. If she had to die, she would do something worthwhile with Bucky at her side. But then get got the draft and proposed to her, they got into a huge argument, and parted ways on bad terms. 

That was how she met Dr. Erskine. He overheard her yelling at Bucky and decided she was the perfect candidate for Project Rebirth. But Colonel Phillips, who always thought the first super soldier should have been a man, was clearly disappointed with Steve. He didn't intentionally try to be a horrible person, but he was hard on her for being a woman, which made it that much worse. But Steve had a thick skin and was used to being overlooked because of who and what she was (it was the reason why she drew for magazines under the pseudonym Steve Rogers, instead of her real name) and she was determined to prove him wrong. 

But then Dr. Erskine died, killed by a Hydra spy only moments after Steve emerged from Howard Stark's machine, and Captain America became a spectacle for the people back home. At first she lapped up the attention, unused to the feeling of being so _noticed_ , but the glamourous life of celebrity quickly wore off. There were more important things to think about. Like the war. And Bucky. He had stopped responding to her letters a ages ago and while it was fairly common for correspondence to stall with a war going on, she was still worried about him. Not for the first time, she wished she hadn't taken for granted having him near and it made her miss him all the more, so much so that her heart ached. 

As soon as she heard from Peggy and Colonel Phillips that Bucky and his men were likely dead, it felt as if she was having an asthma attack and all the air from her lungs had been sucked dry. Bucky dead? Bucky couldn't be dead. Not when she never got the chance to apologize for yelling at him before he left. Not when she never gave him a real response when he asked her to marry him. 

Not when she finally realized that she was in love with him. 

But even overcome with grief, no one -not even Bucky Barnes- had ever been able to talk Steve down from anything she made up her mind about. Although going against Colonel Phillip's orders, she had been prepared to travel to the Hydra base in Austria on foot if she had to. But Peggy offered to help and talked Howard into flying them past enemy lines. 

Steve wasn't sure what she would find when she got there, but finding Bucky and his men had been a gift. And seeing Bucky alive, weak and strapped to a table from the unspeakable things they had done to him though he was, had been a dream come true. 

He stirred when she tore off the straps holding him down and blinked at her in confusion as she smoothed back the hair from his forehead. "Steve?"

"Yeah." She grinned, so happy and relieved she nearly choked on it. "It's me, Bucky. I came to save you."

"Steve," he said almost dreamily, as she helped him off the table. When it occurred to him that he didn't tower over her anymore, he looked confused again, as she arranged him so he could lean against her while they got the hell out. "I thought you were smaller."

"I joined the army," she said, like that was answer enough.

There was a frightening moment when she almost lost him again with the Hydra base exploding around them. But Bucky refused to leave without her and she didn't want to be responsible for his death. They barely made it out, but -with all of Bucky's men- walked the entire way back to base. 

"You're late," Peggy said and smiled at them both, holding hands as they were. They hadn't let go of each other the entire time, Steve realized, and squeezed Bucky's hand a little tighter. And although he didn't smile, Bucky glanced over at her and squeezed back. 

\--

There were very few people who could get under her skin like Tony Stark did. But, no matter how much he infuriated her, Steve liked him all the same. Despite their rocky beginnings from their clashing personalities, Tony was a good friend. Overbearing and difficult, but well meaning all the same. So when he called her and offered her a place in Stark-recently-renamed-Avengers- Tower, she almost wanted to take him up on it, but ended up declining anyway. She read Bucky's file after all and knew he was responsible for the death of Maria and Howard Stark. Even if he was brainwashed and under Hydra's control, he was still the one behind the trigger. And if Tony ever found out, who knows how he would react. She just couldn't do that to either of them. 

When she turned Tony down, he sighed loudly through the phone. "Fine. But you have to at least come visit. Pepper will hold it against me forever if you don't."

Which was how she ended up surrounded by a flock of children, staring up at her in awe and begging for autographs. She obliged them, although children made her rather nervous. She had never even wanted her own. Before the serum, her health was so bad that having a baby would have literally killed her. (Even being on her period was a nightmare. Besides the cramping, her back ached and she felt so nauseous that she vomited almost everything but broth. Bucky would hover over her constantly, providing her with heated towels to lay over her stomach and boil tea.) And then after the serum, it didn't matter. They were at war, Bucky fell, and Steve crashed into the ice. But somewhere deep inside herself, she still thought of having a child with him. A baby with dark blue eyes, her honey blonde hair, and Bucky's stubborn chin. 

Her heart ached with pain, but she forced a smile as she signed whatever was thrust into her hands and knelt so the parents could take a picture of her with their children. Then she noticed a little girl hovering in the back, nervously clutching a sketchbook and frozen in place, despite her father's gentle urgings. After Steve politely excused herself from the other parents and children, she made her way over to them and crouched down. 

"Hello," she said gently. "What's your name?" 

The little girl looked like she very much wanted to hide behind her father's legs and never come out again. But then she looked at Steve and whispered, "Samantha."

"It's very nice to meet you, Samantha." Steve smiled. "Is there something you'd like me to sign?"

She shook her head and tore out a page of her sketchbook, offering it to Steve. It was a crayon drawing of herself in her Captain America uniform and Bucky in his signature blue coat. They were standing against a backdrop of grey buildings, blue sky, and a cheery yellow sun. Steve looked up at Samantha's hopeful expression and told her, very sincerely, "This is beautiful. Thank you." 

Samantha smiled brightly and when Steve opened her arms, she threw herself into them, clinging tight. "I want to be strong and brave like you when I grow up. With a best friend like Bucky," she said.

Steve held her close, thinking about a little boy who believed in a scrappy little girl who could never keep her nose out of trouble. "I'm sure you will."

\--

Steve had always loved drawing. 

Ever since she was old enough to hold a pencil, she scribbled on every scrap of paper she could find. Sometimes her mother would even cut up cereal boxes so that Steve would always have something to draw on. Pencils were harder to come by, but her mother always brought home two or three every week so Steve would never run out. It always made her feel guilty, even if she was too young to understand why, and when Steve was older it made her all the more appreciative that her mother -a poor Irish immigrant struggling to raise her daughter on her own with what little she made as a nurse- worked so hard to indulge little Stella's love for art. 

Bucky was just as bad. On her eleventh birthday, he bought Steve her first real sketchbook and a tin of drawing pencils. She yelled at him for being stupid and wasting his money on her, but before he could take offense to it, she leaned up on the tips of her toes to kiss his cheek as thanks.

"Can I draw you?" Steve had asked. And Bucky's answering smile was so ridiculous and goofy, when she put the picture to paper he insisted that she exaggerated his expression.

But that sketchbook and pencils had been her treasure until she finally ran out of pages and wore the pencils down to little nubs. Then Bucky bought her another sketchbook and pencils on her following birthday, and almost every birthday after that. No matter how much Steve scolded him and told him to save his money for more important things, he would still buy them for her. So she would always make sure that the first page was always a sketch of Bucky, never mind the fact that he would undoubtedly appear frequently throughout the rest of the book.

Of course, Steve drew other things too. Whatever caught her eye, she had to put on paper. Sometimes she drew a jacket she saw in a shop window, or the cat that lounged on the doorstep of her building. Other times it was children playing in the street, or an old couple sitting together quietly on a park bench. But most of time, she drew her mother -dressed in her nurse uniform, dozing in her favorite arm chair, or propped up on pillows while mending Steve's torn clothes- or Bucky, because she just couldn't seem to help herself. She drew him smiling and laughing. She drew him when he was deep in thought, his lips in a soft pout as he concentrated on whatever task he had at hand. She even drew him after a night of dancing, his hair slightly curled with sweat and his eyes bright as he looked down at the pretty girl he had in his arms. 

Which isn't to say that Bucky didn't dance with Steve. He did. He was even the one who taught her how, when they were fourteen, standing in her bedroom with soft music playing from the radio. She ended up stepping on his toes more often than not, growing more and more frustrated each time, but Bucky would laugh it off.

"It's no hardship to dance with you, Stevie," he would say fondly. "The safety of my toes notwithstanding."

Sometimes he asked to dance with her in public, but Steve always turned him down. It was one thing to dance with each other in her bedroom, away from prying eyes. It was another thing entirely when it was where everyone could see Steve bumbling across the dance floor and embarrassing Bucky. But a selfish, secret part of her still wished she was brave enough to take up Bucky on his offer. She never did, but she couldn't help being envious while Bucky lead another girl in a fancy dress across the dance floor with the expertise and charisma he seemed to possess so effortlessly. 

He was like a work of art. 

\-- 

A part of her thought about hanging up the cowl and shield for good. It was the part of Steve that wished she could return to the days when things were simpler, when her only real concern was facing the schoolyard bully and Bucky's reaction when he found out. But she always brushed the idea away, because as much as she wanted to pass on the mantle of Captain America to someone else, Steve couldn't turn her back when people were in danger and needed help. So when the number of supervillains trying to take over the world increased, she and the other Avengers again joined forces to stop them. After Loki and his alien army, most of them paled in comparison, but Steve knew better than to underestimate anyone they faced, whether sorcerers or mutants or HYDRA. 

But even she couldn't anticipate how a lot of them -even the ones that weren't human- wanted her dead. 

"Hey, Cap?" That was Tony's voice and he sounded surprisingly concerned. Not that Steve thought he was heartless (not anymore), but it took a lot to unnerve someone like Tony Stark. So that meant it was exceptionally bad. "You with me?"

It took some effort to open her eyes, but she managed it, and there was Tony, his faceplate up and his eyes were worried. Steve tried to form words, but her body was so cold that her lips felt numb, and she had to swallow hard before trying again. "Clint?" She had seen one of the dark hooded figures knock him several feet straight through the air.

"He's fine," Tony replied. He crouched down next to her, brow furrowed. "Broke his leg in three places, but he'll live. Thor already took him back to the Quinjet." 

Steve nodded. Even with a broken leg, he was alive, and that was what mattered. "What happened to the-…"

"The Nazgul? They're all dust and smithereens. We have you and Romanoff to thank for that, Eowyn."

She smiled. It was rather ironic that they had seen The Lord of the Rings movies just a couple days before these creatures came. The black riders, whoever they were, were invincible to men, demigods, and enraged green monsters. Not so to women.

Which was why they tried to go after Natasha and Steve first. 

"Steve?" Natasha shoved Tony aside, ignoring his indignant squawk of protest. There was blood running down the side of her face, but she looked otherwise unharmed.

"I've been stabbed," she said. Tony and Natasha shared a look, and she wondered -in a detached sort of way- if she was dying. The black sword the leader had pierced through her chest left no mark, and there wasn't any blood, but it still felt like something from bleeding out of her. Still, she wasn't afraid to die. It was never seeing Bucky again that frightened her. She tilted her head as much as she could until she could look at the ring on her finger. "Bucky…"

There was the sound of rushing air, and Thor landed beside them. "The danger has passed. We-…" He paused. "Captain?"

Steve closed her eyes, too tired to keep them open. She heard Tony yelling and Natasha calling her name. She felt Thor lift her into his arms, assuring her that everything would be all right, but then she drifted away. 

\--

After what seemed like an eternity in the darkness, Steve fought to open her eyes and she realized that she was in her own bed instead of an unfamiliar hospital room, although still hooked up to an IV and heart monitor. She breathed a sigh of relief and whispered, "Not dead then."  

Warm, strong fingers tightened around the ones on her left hand and she blinked, because she could recognize them anywhere. She turned her head slowly and it was Bucky sitting in a chair next to her, clasping her hand with his flesh one. There were dark circles around his eyes and he looked like he hadn't shaved for some time. His hair was also even longer than when she saw him on the helicarrier, although it was tied back from his face in a tail at the nape of his neck. 

The very sight of him made her breath catch. It's been over a year since she saw him last and the crushing loneliness she felt still hurt. "Bucky."

"You're too reckless," he said. He leaned over her, the thumb of his metal hand sweeping over the curve of her cheek. "No one knew if you were going to make it."

Steve remembered dreaming of darkness, of a cold and terrible abyss that threatened to swallow her whole. Tendrils of it had twisted around her arms and legs, dragging her down into the deep. She struggled, but her body became that much heavier and harder to move as the darkness wrapped tighter and tighter around her. It crept up to her neck and over her face, cutting off all her air, just like when she crashed the Red Skrull's plane into the Atlantic, when she heard the voices of her friends calling to her. They were waiting. They were counting on her to return to them. It was that reason which gave her the strength to escape her bonds and fight her way back to where they waited for her. 

Where Bucky was waiting. 

"I missed you," Steve told him. She tugged at his flesh hand and brought it to her lips. "I'm glad you're here."

Bucky swallowed hard. "I'm not the Bucky you remember," he said to her.

"We spent a lifetime apart," she agreed. "But I've changed too. And we have the rest of this one to get to know each other again."

He frowned, staring at the ring on her finger. She felt ice drop into her stomach at the sight of his expression and she sat up, trying to face this head on. "Steve…" he began.

"Only if you want to," she said hurriedly. She wanted to try and salvage the conversation somehow, but she wasn't sure what else to say. She still loved him. She would always love him. But if he didn't feel the same way anymore, she wouldn't stand in his way. He spent too many years of his life controlled by somebody else. The last thing Steve wanted was to be one of those people, stripping him of his autonomy to get what she wanted. She could be content with them just being friends. She could. 

But Bucky didn't seem concerned about Steve forcing her feelings on to him. "I've done horrible things," he said, his voice was soft and quiet. "There are gaps in my memory that might never come back. You deserve better than that."

"I don't care," she said, because she didn't. None of that was Bucky's fault and it didn't make her love him any less. She wanted Bucky just as he was, whether he ever got all his memories back or not. "It's not about deserving anything, Buck. I love _you_. I just love you."

He cupped a hand against the back of her neck and pressed their foreheads together in a way that made her heart soar. And even if he didn't say it back, the words were right there in his touch. 

\--

Bucky was covered in orange slime when he kissed her for the first time in over seventy years.

Steve wrinkled her nose, because defeating giant slug monsters and making out in the remains hadn't been on her bucket list, but all the same she twisted her fingers in Bucky's hair and kissed him back. His hands were warm on her hips and the taste of his mouth had Steve aching with want. 

During the war, they were too busy to manage much in the way of intimacy besides clumsy fumbling in the dark, but Steve could never complain because Bucky more than made up for it with kisses. They kissed everywhere. They kissed going over mission plans, kissed when setting up camp for the night, and kissed before storming HYDRA bases. The Howling Commandos even went out of their way to give them privacy, because they had to hear all about Bucky's great love and none of the stories did her justice when she showed up in the flesh to save them. They admired and respected her their leader, but they loved her as a friend. 

"If you ever get sick of this big lug, be sure to pay me a visit," Dumdum would say, just to get a rise of Bucky like the jerk he was.

Jim rolled his eyes. "Do you hear this tool?" He said a phrase in Japanese that had Dumdum scowling, since his Japanese was the worst out of all of them. Jim heaved a sigh and went on to explain a proverb that said getting in the way of a couple in love was like standing behind a horse and waiting to get kicked by it. 

Gabe murmured something to Jacques, which had him howling with laughter. But Steve paid them all little mind. Instead, she tapped Bucky's cheek and when he turned his head her way ducked in for another kiss. 

"I love you," she would say as soon as they parted, and she said it now. Not because she expected a response, but because it was true. Which was why it surprised her so much when Bucky smoothed back her hair from her face, getting slime in it, and smiled.

"I love you too, Steve."

\--

Although Bucky joined the Avengers for the sole purpose of keeping a better eye on Steve, he integrated into the team surprisingly well. He and Clint seemed to bond over their love of high places and projectile weapons. (Which meant that they spent a lot of time in Barton's watch nest, their preferred weapons in hand, companionably silent.) 

Things were a little more strained with Natasha, but they politely tolerated each other, until they went on a mission together in Dubai and came back the best of friends. Every once in a while, Steve was tempted to ask, but decided against it.

Bucky got along with Bruce really well, which was unexpected for everybody. It had a lot to do with all the anger they had for their circumstances and trying to deal with those issues in a way that didn't end up in destruction or bloodshed. Steve would sometimes peek in on them in Bruce's lab, speaking to each other quietly while they worked on some experiment together or drank spiced tea. 

Thor also really liked Bucky. Not only did they both enjoyed watching the same shows and movies, Thor understood him better than most. He didn't quite comprehend all the things he had been through, but he knew that they were horrific and cruel. He admitted to Steve once that it reminded him of what Loki faced at the hands of The Other, although Loki had the choice to make his decisions, while Bucky did not. But Thor would point out that the fact Bucky overcame it, before it was too late, made him much more fortunate than his brother. 

Sam was very accepting of Bucky. He didn't forgive him for the things he did as the Winter Soldier, but he didn't condemn him for them either. It was one of the things Bucky liked him as much as he did. And it was Bucky who reached out to Sam, confiding in him the way he couldn't with the rest of the team. But the especially ironic thing about it all was that they liked to go running together, because apparently, "Bucky knows how to pace himself for the non-super enhanced folks, _Steve_."

Tony, on the other hand, hated Bucky from the very beginning and made sure that he knew that. Bucky accepted it, still torn up about the guilt he felt for the assassinations he had been forced to complete, but Steve didn't. She tried to talk to Tony about it several times, wanting to explain as best she could, but it always ended up badly. Just when she thought that Tony would hate Bucky forever, she walked in on Bucky sitting serenely in Tony's workshop, while Tony tinkered with the metal arm. He even rebuilt it for him, because the HYDRA tech -while impressive- was designed to become painful if not maintained properly, so he would have a reason to return to them. Then Tony and Bucky started working together to rebuild Steve's motorcycle, bickering and teasing each other while they worked, as if they've been doing it all their lives. 

The Avengers were Bucky's friends as much as they were hers, which was why Steve wanted all of them there when she proposed to him. 

\--

Steve wasn't looking to have her proposal be some big or outlandish thing, but she did want the perfect moment to do it. So it really shouldn't have surprised her as much as it did that -when she finally worked up her courage- Central Park was attacked by Doom and an army of killer robots. She had been so frustrated with being interrupted that she tore through them like they were made of paper. Doom escaped, unfortunately, but destroying his creations had been extremely satisfying. 

She and the other Avengers wearily returned to the Tower to clean themselves after the battle. She wandered out of her bedroom (because Tony talked her into finally moving in when he convinced Bucky to), toweling off her hair, and joined Bucky in the living room. They sat together on the couch, shoulder to shoulder, but made no move to turn on the television. There wouldn't have been a point, because they wouldn't have paid attention to it anyway. They were content simply having one another by their side. 

"Do you remember the first time we kissed?" Steve asked. 

Bucky's hair was curled around his face, still dripping wet from his shower. "Of course I do."

It had been after him and his men agreed to follow her and take down HYDRA. That night, she asked if Bucky still had the ring he meant to give her when he proposed. He pulled out his dog tags from under his shirt and there had been the ring, hanging on the same chain. "I was so glad that the ring still fit me," she said. She could still recall how delicately he had placed the ring in her hand. 

"Even with the serum, you didn't change much," he said and tangled their fingers together. "You've always had the same gorgeous hands."

Steve turned to face him, smiling. "Remember what I said?"

She told Bucky that she never thought she would ever get married and there was still a war to fight, but someday-… 

He drew in a shaky breath. "You looked at me then, your eyes bright and so blue, and said that someday you would make me your husband."

She tugged on the ball chain around her neck and drew it out of her shirt. There, with her dog tags, was a gold band like the one she wore on her hand. Steve carefully unhooked the chain and pressed it into his palm. Her heart was pounding so hard that she was sure he could hear it. "Care to take me up on that offer, Buck?"

"You're an idiot," he said, but there wasn't any heat in it. He slipped the ring on his right hand, where it fit perfectly. "My answer has and always will be yes."

"Good, because I'm planning the wedding of the century," Tony declared, strolling into the room. 

Pepper followed closely behind, apologizing for Tony ruining their moment. "Don't mind him. He won't be planning anything." She paused. "Or, at least, not unless you want him to." 

Clint and Thor burst in a moment later, Clint holding a few bottles of champagne (because according to him alcohol made any occasion so much better) while Thor snapped pictures with the camera Jane bought him to "immortalize the moment". Natasha came in with an armful of vodka like a bouquet of flowers and Sam clapped kindly Bucky on the back. 

Things quickly became chaotic and noisy as the Avengers celebrated their official engagement, but when Steve glanced at Bucky and found him staring right back at her, a fond look in his eyes, she felt like she had come out on top.

**Author's Note:**

> I realize "Stella" is a cliche name for fem!Steve, but it means "star" and I thought it was very fitting for her. Because even before she was Captain America, Steve was the star Bucky orbited his whole life.
> 
> Also I like the idea that the Howling Commandos were a diverse group of men, who taught each other the languages they use. Jacques taught them French, Gabe taught them French and German, and Jim taught them Japanese.
> 
> The title comes from the song "Superheroes" by The Script.


End file.
